CVVH, never again!

This past weekend was a bit rough for Lil Will and us. As you know he was placed on the CVVH machine last week. We were told they may have to keep him paralyzed during this week to keep him from moving around alot. Movement could cause a kink in the CVVH line. At first, they did not keep him paralyzed so, during nursing assessments or respiratory suctioning him, he would become agitated. I think you and I would become agitated if there was a tube down your throat, two catheters in your neck, a tube in your stomach, a central line in your right thigh and two other IV lines. Come on people, keep him sedated and comfortable. There had to be some trial and error of his O2 sats dropping and him not recovering very well for them to realize this. Geez! Since Lil WIll had settled down and his O2 sats were back up, William and I went to a movie, the first time we have really been out since Lil Will was born. It was nice to get out and have a good laugh, you know, forget about things for an hour or two. We arrived back at the hospital and Lil Will was not doing so well, again, the nurse had agitated him without giving him a bolus of pain med. Again, how many times do we have to tell you, you have to give him a bolus of pain med BEFORE you touch him! Again, he was not recovering, I couldn't watch the monitor any longer, I had to leave the room, I felt faint and nauseous. William later told me his sats went as low as the mid 50's. The RT increased his oxygen on the ventilator to 90%, his sats were still not coming up, so the dreaded NITRIC OXIDE machine reared its ugly head. We hated to see that machine again, remember, that was the machine it took so long to wean him from a month or so ago. BUT, he needed it, almost instantly his sats recovered back to 99%. Now, of course, we feel we have taken 3 steps backwards. I am starting to feel helpless and very discouraged. Finally, around midnight we tell our lil angel goodnight and head home.

At 320 AM on Sunday morning my cell phone rang, of course, my heart dropped, it was the fellow calling to update us on Lil Will. He was having some trouble keeping his O2 sats up, and his blood pressure was low and he is beginning to have more secretions in his lungs. He just wanted to keep us up to date on Lil Will. Well, couldn't really go back to sleep after that phone call. I wanted to go to the hospital but the Lord spoke very clearly to me and said to Be still and know that I am God. That same day, William was to begin his first Family Enrichment class, so as usual, if we haven't spent the night at the hospital, we call as soon as we get up. I called and Lil Will was still having some issues with his sats and blood pressure, and maybe had a possible infection. He was started on antibiotics as a precaution until the culture results come back. Immediately, I want to go to the hospital but William has his class at church. He told me he would take me before the class, boy was I tempted but I could still clearly hear the Lord saying to me, Be still and know that I am God! I did but it was very hard. I know it broke WIlliam's heart to leave the house with me crying but the devil could not steal this time that the Lord had ordained for William to begin these Family Enrichment classes. My parents were home with me so he did not leave me alone! =)

During the time while William was at church, I was watching a gospel music video show on BET. The songs were ministering to my spirit as I am feeling again, helpless, somewhat hopeless, discouraged, second guessing decisions we made for Lil WIll to have the surgery. In my mind, all I can think is, all these things he is currently going through are because of the surgery. Logically, I know this isn't true, he needed the surgery, he had to have a means of dialysis while the PD site healed. Its just all of these things run through your mind, because you are human. I am wondering where God is, why hasn't He showed up? Have you forgotten about us God? Then an artist named James Fortune came on to sing, "I'll Trust You". It was answered prayers. It was a reminder that my trust, our trust must remain in God. Even during a storm, we must continue to trust Him. I have attached the song so each of you can hear it, maybe it will minister to one of your soul's. After hearing this song, I felt a calmness, the Holy Spirit surrounded me, comforted me and let me know that all is well. Even though I have pain in my life, God is never far away and I must continue to trust Him.

Sunday was a pretty good day but Monday and today have been great. He is being weaned off the Nitric Oxide machine, his oxygen level on the vent is down to 30% and his O2 sats are 98 to 100%. They turned off the paralytic medicine today, to allow him to move around for a bit. Tomorrow the plan is to stop the CVVH and go back to the Peritoneal Dialysis and begin to wean off the vents and hopefully extubate him. The cultures all continue to be negative, after 72 hours of allowing them to grow. Praise Him!

Prayer Focus for this week is to command miracles and blessings in your lives. Meaning you are decreeing into your lives, there is no question or doubt, when you command. You know God will do it! Everyday this week when we have seen Lil Will, we have spoken commandments in his ears. We command him to listen for the voice of our Father and to allow the Father to speak to him and guide him. We command him to rise up into the destiny our Father has prepared for him. We command healing over his body. We command no infections. We command weaning of ventilators and extubation. God will hear our commands. Let each of us continue to speak things into our lives as though it is and it shall be.

God has been speaking to me regarding a new ministry. It is still in the infancy stage. The ministry will be geared towards parents of hospitalized children. During my time at the hospital, I have been able to witness the trials some of these parents go through. Not having transportation, or enough money for food, or lodging. We are blessed enough to have any of these issues but so many are not as fortunate. I don't know if the Lord wants me to become involved with Childrens through Volunteer services or to seek out the Ronald McDonald House to see what services they offer to these families. I am going to work on my mission statement and see where the Lord will have this ministry go. I am in continued prayer and will share more with you as the Lord reveals exactly what He wants me to do. I am certain, I will be seeking some of you out as this grows.

May each of you have a blessed week. Be a blessing to someone, you don't have to spend money to do this. You can bless someone by offering a kind word, or just by LISTENING to someone who needs to talk. If you let your light shine through, you never know whose dark world you have shined upon. Remember the smile you see could be a cover up of the pain someone hides deep within. Don't be too busy in your day to day life and miss out on a chance to bless someone!