Minute by minute, day by day, leaning on the Lord!

Pictures taken 1/25 - 1/31

Many people ask me how are doing? How are things going? My answer is usually, "I am doing okay or I am doing fine." Really, I am taking it minute by minute. That is all I can really do. There have been days since Lil Will went to rest with the angels that I have been able to go about my seemingly normal day without crying BUT there are days when it is all I can do to not cry all day. Grief is a process and we do not all go through the same stages of grief at the same time. William and I have realized that we do better when we are together. Several weeks ago, before Lil Will passed away, William booked a trip to go home to Omaha, so one of my good friends invited me to go out of town with her family so I wouldn't be alone since William was going to be out of town as well. During both our trips we found ourselves missing Lil Will so much, for months we spent our days with him and this weekend we found ourselves away from home & him, separately, something we didn't think would happen anytime soon.

For me, the day was busy running errands with friends, nothing big, but I think I began to miss him alot during two instances, I went to a sporting good store to buy an OU flag to put in my yard and there were OU booties and onesies, doesn't make alot of sense to you guys but during, my pregnancy, I told William all the time, we have to get the baby some OU gear! Boomer Sooner!! So, seeing it, I wanted to buy it but for what? Then, I went with my friends to another department store and saw one of those picture frames where you put a picture of your baby from age 0 to 12 months, I thought for a second, I should buy this, but then I could only put pictures to 6 months. (I still may go back and buy it, I think I need to celebrate the 6 months, still praying about it!) At the time, I was sad for a minute but went about the busyness of our day. Later that evening, you know when I was still, those feelings flooded my spirit again and I weeped for my baby. I weeped for the moments I will never share with him, to see him crawl, walk, talk, his first birthday, taking him to daycare, his first trip to the zoo and oh, so many other first. Don't get me wrong, I am still thankful that God gave me six awesome months with Lil Will, He didn't have to but He did and I will be forever grateful! But, I am a mom, I carried him for nine months and now he is gone. It is such a loss to deal with but thanks be to God, He is walking with me every step of the way. In that moment this past weekend, He was there, His presence was with me. There will be times in your life when you are alone or you feel alone, know you are never alone, God is always there. I love my husband dearly, but this past weekend, we each had to lean on the Lord in our time of grief. We did speak on the phone and shared our feelings and sent hugs to each other but ultimately, God was our comforter. He is a comforter, He is a mother to the motherless, a father to the fatherless, a friend to the friendless, He is whatever you are in need of, always. I am joyful knowing I can always call on the Lord. I love you Lord and thank you for all you have brought me through and for what you continue to show me. Thank You!!

Out of the mouths of babes...

One of our dear friends daughters had this comment about Lil Will. Her name is Hannah.

She shared her thoughts with her mom on why God took Lil Will to heaven. She said, "She understood why he went to heaven.....God couldn't wait any longer to kiss those cheeks."

Probably true! We all loved those chubby cheeks!!!

Thanks Hannah!

Lil Will's room....

Last week, William and I were talking about what to do with all of Lil Will's stuff, the stroller, the carseat, the clothes, the bed, the chair, the dresser...OMG, this little munchkin was so loved and had soooo many things! Much love to each of you!! William said he wanted to set Lil Will's room up. I agreed, let's do it. BUT, when would we be ready to do it? Today was the day, Melinda came over and helped me organize, well, actually, she did it all, I just told her where to put it or just sat there looked at Lil Will's blankets, stuffed animals or just smelled his clothes. Some of his little mittens still smell like him, I just want that smell to last forever. Its those tangible things you miss the most. I can look at picture or videos but the feel of his hand holding your finger or looking at his eyes as he gazed into yours or holding him, those are things I miss the most. I know I can still do all of those things in my dreams but right now the dreams just aren't enough! His room is clean and organized. William just has to put his bed back together. We hung up pictures, pictures that hold his hand and foot prints, pictures of his sonograms and his name. His room looks great! I know that once the bed is back up and the bedding is in it, I will spend more and more time in there. It will become my sanctuary. I am certain. I will have many conversations with the Lord and Lil Will while in there. It will be peaceful. Thanks Melinda for being such a wonderful friend! You have been there for me and my family and I want you to know that I love you very much! You are blessed and will continue to be blessed. You will not have room enough to receive the blessings that are being stored up for you!

What a Blessing!

Most of you may or may not know but, William and I moved into a new home on June 26. Lil Will was instrumental in the purchase of our home. As you know he was in renal failure and had chronic lung issues, both of these ailments required he be on machines. The renal department had to conduct a home visit before he could be released home to us on his machine. We knew at that moment that we could no longer continue to live in our current rent house. It was built in the late 60's or early 70's but we knew the electrical outlets were not GCI ready & probably would cost a lot to have the house re-wired. Something we certainly did want to ask the landlords to do since we knew we didn't want to stay in the house for many years to come. We did not want to break our lease, it ends 11/1, we obviously still have to pay that $950 (thru 11/1) plus whatever our mortgage would be, on get this, on ONE income, but the Lord told us He would provide. So, we set out to find a home to bring our angel home to. The Lord led the way, we followed and He blessed us, far beyond measure! So, the renal team came out to inspect the house, during their home visit, they looked for outlets that were GCI ready, making sure the room didn't have a ceiling fan (no drafts - decrease infections), easy access to bathrooms, during dialysis, we have to wash our hands for 3 minutes during all phases of dialysis. They also looked for windows in what would be Lil Will's room that allow for easy access in case of emergency. The house passed home inspection. We were ready to bring him home! BUT, you see God already knew what plans He had for Lil Will, he knew Lil Will would never make it home to this earthly home he blessed us with but He knew we needed a place to call our own so we could fully celebrate Lil Will's life. It had to be a place where we could put pictures of him up that would not have to be taken down and packed up when our lease was up. He wanted to give us places of sanctuary inside our home where we could be with Lil Will. I know that everything happens for a reason, God has been leading our lives since the day we met and we welcome all He has in store for us as we continue along this journey with him. Ain't God good!!! YES, he is, yes he is!!!

Today, we celebrate 7 months.....

These pictures were taken between 1/17 - 1/25.................

Again, these pictures show our journey, they show Lil Will on fluid overload, they show him intubated, sedated, awake etc. BUT, what they show the most is how we had to stand on God's promises, we had to hold to His word and He provided for Lil Will everyday of his life. Just like He will provide for you and your families. One of the important lessons to learn when you are in the midst of a storm is to just stand firm in your faith. Know God has not left you or forsaken you, He is there beside you. At church tonight, the minister reminded all of us, we are God's chosen ones and when you are in a storm to never loose heart!

Today, Lil Will would have been 7 months old, if he were here, we would have taken pics to mark this occasion but we still continue to celebrate his life. Starting next month and on the 28th of every month thereafter until his birthday, we will release balloons in his memory. Each balloon will have a picture of him that includes his blog site. We pray the people God intends to find these balloons will and Lil Will's story will continue to save lives and bring others closer to the Lord. We are going to release the number of balloons that correspond with the month, (i.e. 8 - August, 9 - September etc.) Lil Will is playing in Heaven but we will continue to share his story and spread the good news of our Lord!! Praises to Him!

More pics of our lil munchkin....

These are random pictures taken between January 6 -11, 2009.........

O taste and see that the Lord is good. As you look at these pictures of Lil Will, I want you to think about the goodness of God. See the miracles he performed on Lil Will everyday. He was on fluid overload but God reduced his fluid level in His time. He was on so many drugs, to keep him asleep, to reduce the pain, to lower his blood pressure and the list goes on. BUT, nobody but the Father was able to remove the dependency his body had for these drugs. He did it! If God can do this for Lil Will, can you just imagine what He can do for you if you would just ASK! What are you in need of today? Healing? Financial breakthrough? Peace? Health? ASK Him, He is waiting......

Lil Will our angel......

These pictures were taken between 12/28/08- 1/4/09....

Just wanted to share some more pics of Lil Will. I have been going through the thousands and thousands of pictures we took of him. We are so blessed that we captured him in so many cute pics, poses, faces. We can look at him whenever we want to. When I figure it out I will add some of the video we have of him as well. I will post new pics they will start from the beginning of his life....ENJOY our angel!