Lil Will is 8 months old today.....

Today, Lil Will is 8 months old. Lil Will's Tia Melinda suggested that every month on the 28th, we should release balloons corresponding to the month until his first birthday. So, today, William & I released 8 balloons in his honor. Each of these balloons contain a picture of Lil Will, his blog site and his budded and blossomed dates. Our prayer is that whomever God wants to find these balloons is touched by our story. Maybe a scripture reference will help them, a prayer will give them the strength they need to make it. We are certain God knows exactly what they will need.

This morning during devotion, it was kind of hard for me. I was filled with so many emotions. I remembered what I thought our life would be like right now this time last year. My lil boy would be 8 months old, probably trying to push up, getting ready to walk, saying dada or mama. Oh the plans we make but there is only one who can plan for us. He is our risen Lord and Saviour. BUT, we are human and we cannot help ourselves. We have to plan, we have to be in control. The truth of the matter is, no one has control. We have to surrender our lives to the Lord, allow Him to plan our lives. So, today, like everyday we ended our devotion with a prayer, all I could do was thank the Lord for planting Lil Will in our lives. Oh, yes, I do hurt for him, I ache to hold him near me, to kiss those lips and cheeks but at the same time, I know that God has a perfect plan for our lives and He never, ever, makes mistakes. The past 15 months have been His perfect will for mine & William's lives. Am I human, yes! I do want it all to go away and to have my sweet angel here with me but that is not His will. So, today, I am still standing on His promises that He wants us to be fruitful and multiply. I know He will bless us with a little sister or brother for Lil Will. He told us a few months ago, that He wanted us to have more children to not allow the past 6 months to scare us. He does not give us a spirit of fear. He told us He will continue to walk with us, if we would continue to be obedient to Him. We know the promises He has made to us. We trust you, Father. We love you and we know that you are holding us in the palm of your hands!

What fruit are you bearing?

These pictures were taken between 2/12/09-2/15/09 .

Last night, I watched so many videos of Lil Will, OMG! It was so wonderful to see him yawning, kicking his feet around, crying...I am so thankful to God for prompting us to video him. It is such therapy for me to watch videos of him. This morning, during our devotion, the scripture the Lord gave William was Colossians 1: 9-18, the part of the scripture that spoke to my spirit was verse 10, that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. Are we doing this? Is it happening everyday? Or just on Sundays? Is Sunday the only time you open your bible? Or do you spend time with Him daily? My Monday night, Missions leader said it best, "Do we treat God like our friend?" What she meant was, how often do you talk to your friends? My guess would be several times per week, if not, daily. Then, my question is WHY? WHY? Why, do we not speak to God daily, He is our friend, He is the best friend any of us could every have. He wants to help us, He wants to be there for us, to hear our cries, to hear our pleas, to celebrate the blessings He bestows upon us. Allow Him in.

Lil Will blessed me as his mother, he blessed me by strengthening my relationship with the Lord and also bringing his parents closer together, closer than we were. He has left his mark on our hearts. We love you, pumpkin and miss you very much!!

Blessings and Miracles, everyday.......

These pictures were taken between 2/4/09-2/7/09.

It is so amazing to look back at pictures of Lil Will. He grew into a lil man over the 6 months of his short life. What miracles God performed in his life, it was such an awesome blessing for us to be a part of God's miracle. I pray each of you are continuing on the faith walk we began with Lil Will on 12/28/08, he has many more blessings to share with us in the spirit! All praises to our King!

What a fellowship....

For the past two weeks William and I have taken time to get up in the morning and have family devotion. William ask the Lord for a scripture and I get the song and then we pray together. Well Saturday, August 22nd was a special day for us because we spent our devotion time at Will's grave site. Here are the scriptures that were given to William.

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. John 11:25,26

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnessess let us lay aside every weight and sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

If you are not already doing it. I encourage you to spend some devotional time with the Lord and your family. Get a family journal and write out what is on your heart and allow the Lord to minister to you. You will find healing in His words and in His presence. We do every morning.

I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.....

I wanted to share with you that William has been accepted into the Chaplaincy program for Children's Medical Center! He probably never would have thought about doing this if the Lord had not placed us on the journey of the past 7 months. We may not understand at the time we are going through a storm what the Lord is trying to teach us, what He is trying to show us, how He is trying to grow us up BUT, His plans are always revealed to us in His time. We are slowly getting back into our daily routine, our normal was going to the hospital every day, staying at the hospital every night (at least one of us) and now we are at home? That has been a major adjustment but the Lord has walked with us each day as He helps adapt to our lives without Lil Will physically being here with us. Not a day goes by that we do not miss him, or sit in his room, or just talk to him. He is all around us, it is the most wonderful feeling to know he is my lil angel forever! We are just so blessed! God blesses us with something wonderful and new everyday! William has put us on a regimen, a schedule of sorts, not a strict one but for the past 7 months we have not really been on any sort of schedule. We need to get re-focused so the devil does not destroy what God has built up in us over the past months. We will not allow what God has revealed to us to be destroyed by the evil one! NO! Absolutely not! There is so much I want to share with you but I can't right now. I must be obedient to God. We love you all very much.

I have included pictures of us as we were anxiously awaiting our little miracle. Little did we know he was about to change the lives of so many people, we will never every truly know the lives our angel, Lil Will touched. He did the work of the Lord, just as he was instructed to do! All Praises to Him!

Lil Will's Room Part 2

Today, I put Lil Will's crib together. I must admit that it was emotional. I really had not spent any amount of time in his room because I was busy with other things, but today I was determined to complete his room, to make it look like his room and make it feel like his room. As I was putting the sheet on his bed I began to weep. I wept because my Heavenly Father began to minister to me about Lil Will. He said like my Son did for Me, Lil' Will did for you. He pointed out to me that Lil Will's was sent to lay a foundation and leave a legacy in the lives of me, Sequita and our future children, as well as the lives of many of our family and friends. His life was not lived in vain. He is and always will be our firstborn.

Minute by minute, day by day, leaning on the Lord!

Pictures taken 1/25 - 1/31

Many people ask me how are doing? How are things going? My answer is usually, "I am doing okay or I am doing fine." Really, I am taking it minute by minute. That is all I can really do. There have been days since Lil Will went to rest with the angels that I have been able to go about my seemingly normal day without crying BUT there are days when it is all I can do to not cry all day. Grief is a process and we do not all go through the same stages of grief at the same time. William and I have realized that we do better when we are together. Several weeks ago, before Lil Will passed away, William booked a trip to go home to Omaha, so one of my good friends invited me to go out of town with her family so I wouldn't be alone since William was going to be out of town as well. During both our trips we found ourselves missing Lil Will so much, for months we spent our days with him and this weekend we found ourselves away from home & him, separately, something we didn't think would happen anytime soon.

For me, the day was busy running errands with friends, nothing big, but I think I began to miss him alot during two instances, I went to a sporting good store to buy an OU flag to put in my yard and there were OU booties and onesies, doesn't make alot of sense to you guys but during, my pregnancy, I told William all the time, we have to get the baby some OU gear! Boomer Sooner!! So, seeing it, I wanted to buy it but for what? Then, I went with my friends to another department store and saw one of those picture frames where you put a picture of your baby from age 0 to 12 months, I thought for a second, I should buy this, but then I could only put pictures to 6 months. (I still may go back and buy it, I think I need to celebrate the 6 months, still praying about it!) At the time, I was sad for a minute but went about the busyness of our day. Later that evening, you know when I was still, those feelings flooded my spirit again and I weeped for my baby. I weeped for the moments I will never share with him, to see him crawl, walk, talk, his first birthday, taking him to daycare, his first trip to the zoo and oh, so many other first. Don't get me wrong, I am still thankful that God gave me six awesome months with Lil Will, He didn't have to but He did and I will be forever grateful! But, I am a mom, I carried him for nine months and now he is gone. It is such a loss to deal with but thanks be to God, He is walking with me every step of the way. In that moment this past weekend, He was there, His presence was with me. There will be times in your life when you are alone or you feel alone, know you are never alone, God is always there. I love my husband dearly, but this past weekend, we each had to lean on the Lord in our time of grief. We did speak on the phone and shared our feelings and sent hugs to each other but ultimately, God was our comforter. He is a comforter, He is a mother to the motherless, a father to the fatherless, a friend to the friendless, He is whatever you are in need of, always. I am joyful knowing I can always call on the Lord. I love you Lord and thank you for all you have brought me through and for what you continue to show me. Thank You!!