Celebrating YOU, Lil Will! (9 months!)

Happy 9 months, Lil Will! The time has flown by since you left us to be with God. You will forever live in our hearts everyday. A day doesn't pass that I do not feel your presence. I feel you in the gentle breeze that blows near my neck and my face when I am in my office working, driving in the car. Just the other day when I was on the plane, as I looked out the window and thought about how awesome our God is, I was thinking about you and started to weep. I was weeping because I was missing you and thinking of the things you would be doing now, if you were here, physically with us. How you would be crawling, laughing alot, and maybe even trying to walk but for sure pulling yourself up. I have to be honest, I was feeling sorry for myself. Having one of those moments, wishing it wasn't me, wishing my baby was back here with me. But, before I could wallow in self pity too long, that gentle breeze was on my face and your touch comforted me. I love you, my sweet angel!

I know you were with me today as I was making the inserts to go in the balloons. You are always with me. I felt your presence in your dad's office. Today, your Auntie Tammy, Uncle Dennis, Jayden and your big brother Cameron were able to share with me and your daddy in the releasing of balloons to honor you and your memory. Only God knows where your balloons will end up but we know He has handpicked the recipients so the work He started in you will continue to go forth and show others what an awesome God we serve!

I am proud to be your momma! Your life and your legacy will live on forever. Your daddy and I will always make sure you are remembered, that your message of hope is shared with everyone we meet. You were an angel on earth and now you are one of God's strongest, toughest, most faithful angels! I love you and I miss you terribly!

Today!

These pictures were taken on 3/15/09.

What faces he used to make. :) He was so much fun to watch! Especially when he received oral care from the respiratory therapist. He liked the mint taste but didn't like it when they hooked it to the suction. He taught us many things during his short life. The lesson that day was to just live in the moment and enjoy every minute. So, if you are reading his blog today, try something, don't plan what you are going to do for the remainder of your day. Let go and let God take control of your day. He should be in control of our lives but I know you have to start somewhere. For some of you, you may be able to surrender your day but for others, you have to take baby steps. So, please take them, as you do, Lil Will, will be there walking alongside the Lord with you. This is his ministry, his dad and I are only carrying out the work that God started in him. We had our first bible study at our house last week. Can I just say that God showed up and we had an awesome time. The holy spirit was truly present. We thank you God for allowing us the opportunity to continue to serve You and share Your glory with other believers. All praises to You!

What if? What if God?

These pictures were taken 3/11 - 3/13......

It has been a few days since my last post. I must admit, it has been a rough week for me, on many different levels. Although, I miss Lil Will everyday, there are some days where I miss him so, so much. Thoughts of him are heavy on my mind and my heart is heavy with sorrow, with sadness, not without hope but I guess it is just the normal grief process. This week I thought alot about what ifs? What if Lil Will had died in utero? How would I have felt? How do mothers feel when this happens to them? I can only imagine how I would have felt, never being able to hold the precious gift you carried in your womb? How do you heal from that experience? What if Lil Will had died shortly after birth? Yes, as mom, you would have held your miracle but you would never be able to make any memories with your angel. What if I can never get pregnant again? During the midst of all these "what ifs", I had to go to the doctor for my annual physical? ARGH! I just didn't want to go to this appointment, I was afraid of AGAIN!...the what ifs? What if, I was diabetic? What if my cholesterol is too high? What if? What if? What if? Well, if we live in a "what if land" we are not allowing God to just BE in our lives. God met me where I was this week, in my "what if land". He told me there are some things I need to change in my life, eating habits and to take better care of myself so he can bless me with another pregnancy. He also told me, you carried Lil Will to term, he was born and lived, yes, I only gave him to you for 201 days , 4 hours and 17 minutes but you were able to create wonderful memories, I strengthened your relationship with me, I helped you mend broken relationships, I allowed Lil Will to minister to many, many you will never know but through him My work was done. I chose you and only you, you were the only mother who could give Lil Will what he needed while he was doing My work. I chose you because I knew when it was time, you would give him back to me freely without question. I want you to rise up, I want you to grieve but do not grieve like there is no hope, no tomorrow for I am with you even until the end of the earth. I am not diabetic, PRAISE GOD! My cholesterol level is a bit high but God is good and He is a healer. I claim healing in my body right now. We have to be careful of the words we speak, the tongue is a powerful weapon. Speak life, speak positive things in your life. The preacher today said, why do we say we feel like we are going to catch a cold? Or I am broke? Our God is rich in all things, so we are never broke and we are not going to catch a cold! Do not speak negative things into existence in your life! Think positively, speak positively and live to the fullest potential God has for each of your lives.

Before I close, there is a song that comes to mind right now, the artist is Christopher Brinson. The song is "What if God?" Some of the lyrics are, What if God is unhappy with our praise, what if He is not pleased with the words we say, what if He takes away His love and His spirit from above, what if God is unhappy with our praise. We must change the way we walk, we must change the way we talk and live the life that is pleasing to our King. We must read God's holy word, let His praises be heard, Lord just be pleased with our praise! Is He pleased with your praise, your walk and your talk! Are you sharing your praises with others? Lord, be happy with my praise, my walk and my talk! If it is not pleasing to you, show me how to fix it, I want you to pleased with my PRAISE!

No Pressure, God doesn't pressure us....He patiently waits!

These pictures were taken between 3/8-3/9.

There were many, many trials we encountered during the storm we waded through in the past 7 months. We weathered the storm because we leaned on the Lord. The pictures you see above are representative of one of those trials. The lesson God taught at this particular time was to not be pressured or talked into procedures for Lil Will. To listen to Him to wait on the Holy Spirit for guidance. Do research, ask questions, study, talk to Lil Will and most importantly to PRAY! I know he was a baby but we listened to him, we watched him. William was very good at studying him. Lil Will had many procedures during his lifetime but he only cried once as he was being wheeled into the OR. These pictures were taken just before he left to go to OR. He cried, I cried but the surgery needed to be done or so we were told. What the surgeons placed in Lil Will didn't work for the first 36 hours and was actually only used for 36 hours after it was placed. God taught the nurses and the physicians many, many lessons as He was taking care of our angel. Often the doctors thought one thing would happen, but, oh, what a mighty God we serve! He would show up and show out like only He can!

So, if you are in the midst of trying to make a decision or someone is trying to talk you into something...STOP! WAIT! Wait upon the Lord to show you, to lead you, to guide you, to where He wants you to go or to do what He wants you to do. You have to feel comfortable and know God is ordering your steps. Never feel pressured by anyone or your circumstance, listen for the voice of God and wait on the Holy Spirit to lead you and guide you. God Bless!

More beautiful pictures of our angel....

These pictures were taken between 2/9/09-2/11/09.